Hello from Washington!

We made it to sunny Washington! After a full day’s of work, a six hour flight (without TV reception), and a two our drive, we rolled up at our final destination at 3am PST (6am EST!).

We are staying with The Girl’s sister and her family (husband, two children, four dogs, two cats) in Battle Ground. There was a time when The Girl and I lived in their office and slept on a futon for many, many months. AH, the joys of randomly moving across the country, getting kicked out of her parent’s house (they hated me), and living with a bunch of Walters.

Also, I got really fat here.

Not cool.

Yesterday was our first full day here and the weather could not have been nicer. I was up at 9am and headed to the store with The Niece on a mission for healthy breakfast foods and snack foods. We went to two different stores in search of organic items. Holy expensive, Batman! Whatever. $6 organic ketchup is worth it (you do know ketchup contains high fructose corn syrup in it, don’t you?). The result? I ate well yesterday! Fruit and organic cheese sticks (2) for breakfast, three small pieces of pizza for lunch (cheese), reduced fat hot dogs (3), wheat buns (1), pinto beans instead of BBQ grilling beans (1/2c), and watermelon. I was able to count everything and ended the day slightly below my 1600 calorie goal (although the sodium was out of control!).

I need to weigh myself today, but there’s no scale here. Who does that? Oh right, everyone is thin. I’ll probably hit up the store in a few and weigh myself in in the middle of the aisle instead of purchasing said scale, but you gotta do what you gotta do!

As for the ‘shock and awe’ factor, it was in full effect yesterday for sure. The Girl and I visited The Sister-In-Law at work where she insisted on introducing me as her sister’s wife that ‘lost a person’. It was hilarious and slightly embarrassing at the same time. She could not get over how much weight I had lost. The kicker? She said I actually looked happy. I wanted to cry.

She could not have been more right.

Meeting up with a friend from college tonight. Excited!!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

I literally just got home! Who promises a friend they will hang out directly after participating in a 5K? Me, that’s who. Janice and I walked the .8 miles to the starting line from work and met up with the rest of our co-workers. I couldn’t believe how many people were there. It was UNREAL. After the race, I hauled ass back to work to pick up my goods, hauled to the train station, ran into my friend’s apartment, took a quick shower (went commando for the first time in my life since putting on the same chonies would have been a mortal sin), and met her down the street at the movies. Whew. What a day!

Let’s cut to the chase: I jogged the whole friggin’ thing from start to finish. I DID IT! 3.5 miles (a bit longer than a true 5K) of pure awesomeness and almost unbearable humidity. Janice was absolutely amazing. Even though she could have blown past me, she ran with me the whole time. I could not be more grateful. I told her to push me if I was falling behind. I told her not to let me stop even if I was begging to. I told her to jog faster if I started to jog slower. She did just that.

My time was 48:00 which is beyond insane considering the fact that I literally could not bend over to tie my shoe six short months ago. Running on pavement wasn’t too bad, but I am definitely sore as hell.

I haven’t eaten since 5pm and I need food. I don’t give a shit if it’s going to stunt my HGH levels. SUCK IT! (Also…R.I.P. MJ)

Pre-5K Jitters

Today is the ‘big day’. After two and a half months of training, it’s finally here. I’ve spent the last two days waning between nervousness and elation. What a roller coaster! Most of all, I’m anxious. I’m anxious to see if I can jog the whole thing and anxious to see how 12,000 people are going to squeeze onto Commonwealth Ave without injury. Should be interesting to say the least.

I will be jogging shoulder-to-shoulder with Janice, a co-worker of mine. She’s been training off and on, but can run a good 3+ miles without stopping. Hopefully this pairing will motivate me and allow me to ‘go the extra mile’.

I haven’t worked out since Saturday, but my leg is feeling much better (big plus!). Over the past three months, I have gone from a twenty-five minute workout on the elliptical to sixty-minutes on the treadmill four times a week. At the end of my training, I was covering over 4.5 miles during a single session. My best workout consisted of a 15 minute warm-up, 20 minutes of jogging (over 1.5 miles), 5 minutes of walking, and 20 additional minutes of jogging. Even if I don’t run the whole thing today, there is no way I am coming out of this thing feeling like crap. I have come so, so far.

I have made choices within the past six months that have really changed my life beyond my wildest dreams. To think, it all started with five minutes on the elliptical. I kept pushing myself even if doing so felt like ‘biting off more than I could chew’. From the Low-Impact Aerobics class to this 5K, I have definitely pushed myself and achieved success beyond anything I would have imagined. Where would I be if I had not made the decision to ‘go for it’?

It’s your turn.

Pleading the 5th

Not a single person here at work has said anything to me about my weight loss. Not a one! I’m trying to figure out what the deal is. Is my weight-loss less noticeable to ‘outsiders’ than I previously thought? Or is it ‘rude’ to tell someone they look fucking fantastic? Hell, at this point, I would take a, ‘Hey Rachel, looks like you reduced the size of your ass from a school bus to a sedan. Good job!’

What’s the deal?

I am not on the prowl for compliments or acknowledgment. I’m just genuinely interested in knowing whether it’s ‘rude’ (or not) to comment on someone’s weight-loss. Halp!

A Crossroads

Now that my 5K is upon me, I wonder what I am going to do to keep myself motivated. There were so many times when I wanted to stop mid-workout, and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of me embarrassing myself in-front of my co-workers by keeling over mid-race. The only thing that kept me going was knowing my schedule for the weeks to come. I kept saying to myself, ‘If I can’t do these ten minutes now, how am I going to do fifteen minutes next week?’

Now that this 5K is upon me, what am I going to do?

I will attempt to repeat the 6-week training schedule at a higher intensity, but it will be different. I will no longer have to worry about the ‘co-worker’ aspect. Don’t feel like going to the gym? HELL, DON’T GO! You have nothing to worry about!

Ugh. I am kind of shitting my pants. It might have something to do with not going to the gym tonight. That makes three days in a row where last week, I went Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday to make up for skipping Saturday (I also went Thursday!). Why didn’t I go to the gym? My headphones are in the car. And the car is with The Girl.

I’m pretty sure I would have gone anyway if I were at the beginning stages of my training due to the possible ‘embarrassment’ factor, but now that I have more of a handle of my fitness, I am under the impression that I won’t die if I don’t go. I also believe I have shin splints in my right leg and I don’t want to agitate it too much, but! I was prepared to go. I was looking forward to it all day. And I actually got ready and was heading out the door when I realized I was ill-equipped. I definitely do not want to workout tomorrow since the race is Thursday. And Friday I will be on a plane and heading to Washington for ten days. All because of headphones? Is that normal?

Just to reiterate… I am kind of shitting my pants.

I have already notified The Girl that I absolutely must workout while we are in WA, but will I? At this point, it’s anyone’s guess. I am acting like going to the gym with great intensity out of my hands when CLEARLY it’s not.

Rahhhhhh.

I want my structure back.

Cupcakes & Running Shoes

The JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge is in two days and I am nervous as all hell. My goal is to jog the entire thing (it’s a bit longer than a 5K — 3.5 miles to be exact), but I won’t be heart broken if I fall short.

I assume running outside will be much different than running on a treadmill especially since it’s supposed to be hot (85 degrees!) and humid (yuck). Hopefully I can feed off the crowd’s adrenaline and make it. My jaw nearly hit the floor when I saw the number of participants: 12,000! Yes! 12,000 individuals from hundreds of companies in the Boston area will be running this thing. AND I AM GOING TO BE A PART OF IT.

I haven’t been to the gym since Saturday due to possible shin splints, but I plan on going tonight. I hit my calorie goals Sunday and Monday despite heading up to Methuen for a Father’s Day visit. Mmm. Meatloaf. My mom makes the best freaking meatloaf.

It looks like I might blow today’s calorie goal due to cupcake-shaped shenanigans, but holy damn! It was good. Instead of eating the whole thing, I cut myself a piece of it and enjoyed every bite.

Celebrating Success

In celebration of pulling on a pair of size 18 jeans this afternoon, I thought I would post a little ‘before’ and ‘after’ picture. Look familiar?

I’ve been wanting to ‘recreate’ that dreaded photo for some time now, but decided against it. Why? Part of me didn’t want to ‘jinx’ my progress and part of me wanted to wait until the results were ‘undeniable’. It all goes back to that ‘dream state’ I sometimes find myself in. I realized this weekend that there is no jinxing this journey. It’s real. Very, very real. I still have a way to go, but I am very happy with my progress.

Find the courage to stick with your journey. Push yourself everyday. Encourage yourself to make positive choices. And most of all, stay present.

No Diggety, No Doubt

Man, I have rocked the crap out of this week. I completed my 5K schedule without a hitch (although I did want to die while doing yesterday’s workout: 5 min warm-up, 15 min run/5 min walk x 3, 5 min cool-down) and met all of my calorie goals (and then some).

On the downside, I burnt the crap out of my arm on the oven yesterday when I was removing a yummy piece of salmon. At least the fishie was delishie:

I’m also pretty sure that I have shin splints in my right leg, which is not great since my 5K is on Thursday. Not sure what I am going to do yet, but today is my ‘off’ day and I have my first summer session of Low-Impact Aerobics tomorrow evening.

Posting my caloric intake and menus from the last week has helped me stay incredibly honest. There were times where I wanted to go for the unhealthy option, but didn’t want to face the music when it came time to publicizing said choice. Sounds crazy, but I’ll take all the help I can get from the best peanut gallery in the Universe.

Date: Friday, June 19th
Goal: 1500

Breakfast:
Maple Yogurt (organic) – 140 cals
Pluot (2) – 54 cals

Lunch:
Caprese Sandwich w/o olive oil – 620 cals

Dinner:
Avocado Maki (12 pieces) w/ 1 tbsp of soy sauce – 295 cals
Trader Joe’s bean burrito (organic) – 260 cals

Snack:
Salad with baby field greens (organic), baby spinach (organic), chickpeas, egg whites, grape tomatoes, and 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar (organic) – 95 cals

Total: 1,464

—-

Date: Saturday, June 20th
Goal: 1600

Breakfast:
Starbucks egg, turkey bacon, & cheese breakfast sandwich – 350 cals

Lunch:
Peppered salmon, homemade mashed potatoes made with 1 sm red potato, 1 sm Yukon potato, 1/4 cup of almond milk (organic), and 1 t grated Romano & Parmesan cheese (organic) – 520 cals

Snack:
Trader Joe’s 100-calorie dark chocolate bar – 100 cals

Dinner:
Burger King 4pc chicken tenders w/o sauce, 4 oz Coke (two sips!) – 231 cals

Total: 1,201

Yes, yes. The Girl and I stopped at Burger King last night after the No Doubt/Paramore concert (which was out of this world!) for a quick bite. It was midnight and I hadn’t eaten since 3pm. My stomach was crawling up the inside of my torso and trying to escape in search of food. Considering how hungry I was and how much I like Burger King (for some odd, odd reason), I pretty much rocked it. As for the show, it was shocking to see how much food was available (almost as shocking as the prices!) and how much food people were consuming. I don’t know about anyone else, but I didn’t show up to eat a Nathan’s hot dog with 20 grams of fat. Nope. No way. I came to enjoy the show (and enjoy it I did!). Have I mentioned that I actually fit in the seat?

I came in under my weekly calorie goal by 368 calories for an average of 1333 cals/day. Like I said earlier, I didn’t bend over backwards to meet my goals. I simply listened to my body and tried to eat only when I was hungry. Working out at night was remarkably helpful, as I usually have little to no appetite after an intense workout. Every bit helps when you’re on a mission from Hell.

If anyone is still reading this, here comes the best news of all: I lost 4.5 pounds this week despite entertaining my monthly ‘visitor’. My jaw almost hit the floor as I did the ‘naked scale dance’. The scale initially read 210.5, but went up to 212.5 after two attempts. I stepped back on a few more times and it finally settled at 211.5 — a total of 59.5 pounds gone off this body foreverrrrrrr. YES!

It became clear three weeks ago that I wouldn’t meet my goal of being under 200lbs by the time I left for Washington (this Friday!). Instead of kicking and screaming and throwing the towel in, I revised my goal and made it a bit more realistic: to lose 60lbs by the time I leave. Unless something going drastically wrong, I will reach this goal and then some! I plan to buckle down this week, too. Should be interesting to see if I can stay on track.

Weightloss > Therapy

Another day, another blog entry.

Another day means another successful step in the right direction. With that said, I guess I should also admit that I sometimes feel like I’m living in a dreamworld when it comes to this whole ‘weight-loss thing’. Where did all of this strength and determination come from? A few months ago I was hanging out in a corner somewhere rocking back and forth with a chicken wing hanging from my mouth. Walking to and from work was a complete chore. Gatherings and new experiences became a no-go because they were usually not ‘fatty friendly’. A few months ago, I was crying all over my keyboard after I stumbled upon a horrible photo of me on Facebook. A few months ago, I pretty much wanted to die.

As silly as it may sound, that Facebook photo changed my life. It was, in all honesty, part two of my rock bottom (part one was the fact that I started to wear giant band-aids on my inner thighs due to rubbage).

A friend of mine and I met a group of girls while standing in line at a concert this past October. We became friends with one girl in particular and ended up hanging out and sharing good times on various occasions thereafter. BUT! Since she was new, she didn’t know the rules: DO NOT TAKE MY PICTURE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. IN THE EVENT THAT MY PICTURE HAS BEEN TAKEN, REFRAIN FROM SHARING IT WITH THE PUBLIC.

She broke both rules, but was kind enough to remove the photo of me when I asked her to (unlike my sister who still has a ridiculous photo of me in one of her Facebook albums. I bring this up to her at least once a week and plead with her to remove it, but she won’t. BITCH!). Seeing this photo was the equivalent of being run over by a Mack truck carrying a load of anvils.

IT. HURT. BECAUSE. IT. WAS. REAL.

I had managed to deny this reality for so, so, so long. I was able to overlook the fact that I was unable to drive my first car (that The Girl and I purchased while living in Washington State years ago) because I COULD NOT FIT IN THE DRIVERS SEAT. What did I do? I pretended I didn’t want to drive. What happened? I spent the last few years of my life in the passenger seat because I had not driven for over a year because of the ‘fat-peg, square hole’ scenario. When we got rid of that car and moved onto another car, I had zero driving confidence. Lack of driving confidence is something I have only recently started to regain — FOUR YEARS LATER — all because of my weight problem.

Not only was I able to ignore that ‘little problem’, I was able to ignore the fact that I could barely fit in a booth, I ignored the fact that I could no longer fit in a standard-sized chair, enjoy amusement parks, fit into women’s pants, fit into men’s pants at my go-to store, and could no longer ties my shoes. I was able to ignore the fact that my entire life revolved around food. I was able to ignore the fact that I ate and ate and ate myself into coma after coma after coma with little to no hesitation at all. The actions I took in an effort to protect myself from all the pain and unhappiness only perpetuated the vicious cycle that created my pain and unhappiness in the first place. I fed my pain with food and self deprecation and it grew and grew and grew within me until one day when I just stopped.

I just… stopped feeding my pain. I stopped telling myself I was worthless. I stopped asking myself questions like, ‘How did I let myself get to this point? How did I let myself go?!’. I just… stopped. I stopped living in the past, and instead, started living in the present. I forgave myself for all the bad choices I made in the past and started to focus on the ‘now’.

That’s where I am. I am still in the now and I truly believe that living in the now has enabled me to live and let die. Rather than chalking myself up to being fat, I accepted that I was simply an individual with a weight problem — a problem that could be resolved (rather than something that was deeply rooted and unchangeable). I stopped identifying myself as a number on the scale and started identifying myself as a person that has been ill-equipped in a society full of bullshit and dollar signs. That is not to say I was not responsible for the ‘pickle’ I had gotten myself into. Of course I am responsible. I chose to eat every morsel and I chose to be sedentary. However, it dawned on me that although I live in this body, I had no idea how to take care it and that the world around me was not conducive to my total lack of knowledge.

When I silenced that voice in my head, I began to see things clearly almost immediately. I started to better myself in that very moment. I started exercising for five minutes a day on an elliptical that sat untouched in our spare room. I set the bar very low to ensure my success (however small it was!). Once I had something positive under my belt, I figured it would serve as a foundation to build my new life upon.

And thats what I did.

And that’s what I continue to do.

I continue to build my new life by finding new ways to challenge myself. What motivates me and challenges me today may not motivate me and challenge me tomorrow. I just take it one day at a time and one decision at a time.

Whether I am about to vomit on the treadmill or buying size 18 jeans, I’m having the time of my life and I could not be more pleased with the results… even if it does feel like I am living in a dreamworld sometimes.

As for that photo… well, here it is:

I’d like to think my face looks like a pumpkin that has been run over a few times because I was making the ‘I need to get the hell out of this shot’ face, but that might be the Denial Bug biting me in the ass for old time’s sake. At any rate, I can’t believe I just posted it for all to see.

Daggers

It’s Thursday and I have yet to ‘blow’ my calorie goal. This is good. I consumed of total of 1,290 calories yesterday which consisting of the following:

Breakfast:
Maple Yogurt (organic) – 140 cals
Nectarine – 60 cals

Snack:
Kashi Dark Chocolate & Coconut Granola Bar – 120 cals

Lunch:
B Good turkey burger made with extra lean white turkey, mushrooms, caramelized onions, BBQ sauce on a wheat bun – 355 cals

Snack:
Cape Cod Potato Chips – 100 cals

Dinner:
Pita pizzas made with two whole grain mini pitas (organic), 1/2 skim mozzarella cheese (organic), pizza sauce (organic), and chopped white onions – 340 cals

Snack:
Avocado Maki (6 pieces) w/ 1 tbsp of soy sauce – 155 cals

Notice a pattern? I’m trying to see how long I can last on mini pita pizzas. Or how long I can last without actually having to go food shopping. Yes, that is more like it.

I’ve been feeling pretty good this week, but I I am admittedly a bit tired today. It might have something to do with freelancing into the ‘wee hours’ (midnight is late for me, kids!), but I can’t be too sure. I did just receive a call from my doctor’s office regarding some blood work I had done last week (during the goiter debacle). Apparently, I am ‘severely anemic’ (Zzzz). This is nothing new to me. I was anemic back in high school around the same time I contracted mono via shared Chapstick. Oh, what a joyous time it was indeed.

I can’t wait until I am taking suped-up iron supplements that will inevitably make my poop turquoise and rock-hard. Yaaaaaaay for daggers coming out of my ass!

At least my thyroid isn’t jacked, right?