Shitty Food

I’m trying to figure out why so many people seem to be ‘up in arms’ over the Whole Foods piece that landed in the Wall Street Journal earlier this month. Waaaaaait a minute. You mean to tell me that Whole Foods sells more than just wholesome, fat-fighting foods?! How can this be? Someone! Anyone! CALL 9-1-1!

Get a grip.

Whole Foods sells crap because people buy crap. It’s called ‘supply and demand’. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a world where shitty food is strictly synonymous with two golden arches, a man dressed from head-to-toe in a medieval costume complete with plastic face, and one incredibly annoying Ginger Kid clad in a pin-striped tunic. These days, spotting shitty food may require deciphering a label or two (shock-horror!). Although coming across a word you can’t pronounce may be laborious (for example: propoglycolexpialidocious), understanding what it means is pretty elementary: what you’re about to purchase and later consume is laced with crap.

I don’t know about you, but I am not prepared to slit the proverbial throat of my autonomy as a sacrifice to keep the Corporate Cogs of the World moving. I don’t need Board Members hold my hand as I make my way though the Big Bad Forest of Calories. A healthy lifestyle should not hinge upon the efforts of others. A healthy lifestyle should start and end with choices I make, not choices people have made for me. Why? Because I worth all of the time, effort, knowledge, and know-how it will take to in order to achieve such a thing.

Are you?

Here’s to exercising a little amour propre and personal responsibility! And remember kids, every time you purchase a shitty food item, you’re casting a vote in its favor.  If you want to rid this world of shitty foods, just think back to Economics 101 and don’t buy it!

Going Pizzaless

Although I am a big believer that no food should be totally ‘off-limits’, I’m officially on a pizza hiatus until October 1st. Yeah, I said it.

Pizza masochist begone!

Why?

Simple: over the past five days, I have consumed twelve slices of pizza. TWELVE. SLICES. OF. PIZZA. What kind of a weight-loss journey has this turned into? A bullshit one! Here comes the positive spin: I will out-do myself goal-wise by achieving the impossible — no pizza shall cross these lips until October 1st unless it’s home-made using only the finest and freshest ingredients. And! I have to document it (I’m talking pizza paparazzi here, people). Jar sauce? See ya! Pre-grated packaged cheese? Adios! If I want pizza, I’m going to have to work for it. No coveted Neapolitan pizza from Sweet Tomatoes. No crispy-crusted pizza from Imperial. No slices-as-big-as-your-face from Sal’s. NUNCA! NIL! NADA!

Not going to lie, I’m kind of looking forward to the challenge (mainly because consuming a trillion slices of pizza gave me the shits for three days).

I’m Bringing Skinny Back

I used to joke that I had ‘tight fat’. Whenever someone tried to pinch me (affectionately or otherwise), their fingers rolling off my skin without grabbing so much as a millimeter between them. I was under the impression that this was a blessing rather than a byproduct of having squeezed 271lbs onto my 5’2″ frame. ‘YOU FOOL! I HAVE TIGHT FAT,’ I declared as if I were some sort of champion.

“No, honey. It’s just that your skin is about to rupture like sausage casing…”

I had completely forgotten about that ‘tight-fat is good fat’ mindset until I began pouring over my body last night in the first full-length mirror I have ever owned. My fat is no longer tight. It hangs and droops and sways from side to side like a hammock dancing in the breeze.

I began to wonder if this ‘loose fat’ is the reason why so many ‘thinner’ people scrutinize their imperfect bodies. If so, I am beginning to understand why. Living amongst a tight-knit ‘community’ of fat cells traveling in perfect harmony was less pervasive than this free-for-all free-fall. Quite frankly, it looks and feels like crap. Maybe my ‘tight fat’ mindset wasn’t all that crazy after all!

Then again, perhaps this ‘loose fat’ business is simply a side effect my dramatic weight-loss. Am I moving into the ‘loose skin‘ phase of my journey? If so, will it get worse before it gets better? And will it get ever better? Surely the skin of a twenty-five year old will bounce back!

Wishful thinking? Perhaps.

Whatever the case may be, I will learn to love and accept my new, healthy body — even if that entails bringing a new meaning to the word ‘skinny’!

Kaboom!

Onderland never happened this weekend thanks to a dangerous duo: sodium + humidity (on top of a few poor choices made by yours truly). I finished my week up 1.5 lbs. After nearly a full week of clean eating and 10K training, it all went down the shitter as soon as Thursday rolled around. Here’s what I ate:

- Thursday lunch: chicken, bean, and rice burrito
- Thursday dinner: bean & cheese corn tacos (2)
- Friday dinner: 1/2 a large cheese pizza (omg!)
- Saturday dinner: cheese pizza (2 slices)

Ah, the joys of take-out/eating like a moron.

I also spent the better part of my Saturday at a baby shower sweating my ass off inside a humid living room filled to the brim with people I didn’t know and zero air conditioner. Sixty people + billions of presents + unlimited ‘aws’ and ‘ohs’ + jeans and a t-shirt + no AC + ridiculously high dew point + thunderstorms all afternoon = water retention heaven. I ate well (mainly fruit with 4-5 ounces of kielbasa and 1 cup of linguini), but that doesn’t help when you’re three days into a sodium-binge. My evening was spent at the Lowell Spinner’s game with the family for my dad’s birthday. I declined both a hot dog and an ice cream (included with our tickets and catered to us!), but made up for it by devouring two slices of pizza on the way home.

In all honesty, I’m not too worried about the weight-gain. I experienced the same thing two weeks ago and posted a big number the following week (last week), but the frequency at which this is happening is a little alarming. I am consistently busting my ass at the gym and posting big calorie deficits, but it will be all for naught if I continue to grow complacent with my eating. I just need to finish strong and curb this take-out business and get back on track. I’m starting to physically crave salt which can’t be good!

View my calorie/exercise stats for 8/16-8/22

Inspiration on the Fly

The best thing about inspiration is that it can arrive when you least expect it! As I struggled to complete my 10K Prep Workout last night, ‘I Shouldn’t Be Alive’ popped up on my TV screen.

I had just finished my first twenty-five minute jogging session and was moving onto the next (after my five minute walking break) when the side-affects of exertion kicked in. My clothing started to cling in all the wrong places. My eyes started to burn as an acid-like sweaty substance took up residence beneath my lids. I had gas like a mother and was forced to focus my last ounce of energy trying to prevent the ‘evidence’ from escaping. And I had a wedgie. What a cruel joke.

To top it all off, my legs were on fire and I had seventeen minutes left.

‘Seventeen minutes? Are you kidding me? There is no way I am going to finish this!’

I was three seconds away from giving up when a man stuck in the African dessert with two broken legs dragged himself across my TV screen. He had been on the search for a missing rhino when his plane took a nose-dive @ 120mph into the dessert floor, shattering both of his legs. He survived in the wilderness for twenty-seven hours before finally being rescued.

…And there I was! On a treadmill! In a gym! Convinced that I was going to die at any moment! Needless to say, I powered through it and couldn’t have felt better if I tried.

Thanks Man Dying in Africa! You saved my workout.

Calories consumed: 1517
Calories burned: 3306
Calorie deficit: 1789

Newsflash!!

According to PETA, as long as you don’t eat meat, you won’t be banished to an infinite hell of love-handles and cellulite.

Find out how!

Actually, going vegetarian is the perfect way to help both of our causes!  Starting immediately, I vow to trade the chicken breast for cheesecake and chuck the roast for french fries without having to worry about packing on the pounds. Who knew I could keep my ass from tripling in size simply by eating junk with a clear,  slaughterhouse-free conscience?! PETA, you are changing the world one bullshit billboard at a time. THANK YOU!

Lies!

Even though I am just almost nine months into this thing, I catch myself making rookie mistakes every now and then.

Example: Eating something and pretending it never happened.

I was flagged down by a container of mini organic peanut butter cups last night as I nonchalantly walked past them. I was so close to making it to the other side of that two-foot table (!!) without partaking, but I caved. I dumped a few into my hand, devoured them, and attempted to convince myself that none of it ever happened.

Really? Almost nine months in and I am still doing crap like this?

First of all, it’s always frightening to witness a twenty-five year old regress back to the age of five without warning (especially when you’re the culprit). Secondly, I am now convinced that weight-loss aggravates sociopathic tendencies.

When it comes down to it, throwing back a few measly peanut butter cups isn’t a big deal, but the thought of pretending it never happened is giving me the heebie-jeebies. I ended up including those little morsels of mayhem in my calorie allowance for the day, but still. I’m a little shocked.

If I don’t hold myself accountable, who will?

That’s a question I definitely know the answer to: no one!

Oneder Woman

Another awesome weekend has come to a close. I can hardly believe how much I am starting to really enjoy life. I went to Six Flags New England for the first time yesterday and had an absolute blast. We spent 90% of our time at the water park which could only mean one thing: minimal clothing.

Now that I have officially lost 70lbs, the prospect of ‘minimal clothing’ doesn’t come with a slew of negative slide affects as it has in the past. Instead of hiding beneath a baggy t-shirt and mesh shorts (tailored for a 6’4″ man), I wore a cute polka-dot tankini-top thing that tied around my neck and black swim shorts. The best part? Doing so was not against my will AND I felt pretty comfortable (even though my shoulders are completely drenched in stretch-marks, but I digress…). I was a water-sliding, wave-pooling fool and I loved every freaking second of it with a burning passion.

When it came time to eat, I ate well. I grabbed a yogurt out of the fridge before leaving the house and ate it in the car. Everyone else (except for my friend Cassie ((who looks fabulous!)) started their day off with a poor excuse for a breakfast sandwich from McDonald’s.

It made me think…

Which is worse: insulting my body for a good five years by ingesting heaps and mounds of the most horrible and destructive food items known to man and as a result, thrusting myself into morbid obesity by gaining over 100lbs only to eventually lose the weight and regain my health OR traipsing through life with a ‘bullet-proof’ mentality as thin individual who continues to assault their body with horrible food items without suffering the affects of weight-gain, but most likely suffering the consequences down the road?

It’s too late for me to choose, but the first option is definitely starting to feel more like a blessing than a curse.When you fuck up, you at least learn something from that experience — even if said experience was debilitating, mortifying, and stripped you of your humanity. I have been working diligently to repair my relationship with food and have come to the realization that it boils down to two things:

Eating to reap emotional benefits or eating to reap nutritional benefits

I haven’t always chosen the latter and probably never will, but now that I have found love, support, and enjoyment outside of the food realm, many of the food items I used to indulge in just don’t do it for me anymore. I am beginning to understand how people can make good choices day after day without feeling as though they are one asparagus spear away from committing mass homicide! Intent matters!

By the time I left the park, I had consumed an $8.99 fruit cup and a $8.49 slice of pizza. Maybe it’s just me, but the last thing I want to consume in 90 degree weather is an oil-laden potato covered in some sort of plastic cheese product or a deep-friend piece of dough covered in apple pie filling. NO THANKS! Maybe in a past life, but certainly not yesterday.

As for the scale?

Onederland, here I come!

Lions and Tigers and Bears OH MY!

I always seem to have my best workouts on the days when I’m dreading them the most. Last night was no different. I spent the latter part of my day cursing the 10K Training Gods buuut, I went to the gym anyway. After all, what choice do I really have?

None.

‘What do you mean none?’

You heard me.

‘That’s silly. Can’t you just relax and take it easy one day?’

The answer is ‘no’.

The moment I start bargaining with myself is the moment I start to slide back into an endless cycle. Skip a trip here, skip a trip there. Here a skip, there a skip, EVERYWHERE A SKIP, SKIP. Missing a day of training –> empty promises –> feeling poorly about myself –> quick fix –> binge-fest –> weight-gain –> sadness –> binge bomb to the nth degree –> crippling weight-gain –> disaster.

Besides, if I don’t complete my 10K training as prescribed, I will not be able to reach my goal of jogging across that finish line. The thought of achieving such a feat is just too precious to give up, especially after having jogged my first 5K in June. Crossing that finish line was powerful, profound, and unlike anything I had ever experienced. Working through the doubt and the pain and the demons that had cemented my soul to the sidelines for so long was (and continues to be!) a life-altering experience.

Such an achievement bled into places that I didn’t even know existed. And it carried me. And it pushed me. And above all, it has given me the strength I needed to finally become an active participant in my life. Exercise is not just about burning calories for me, it’s about finally being able to stand on my own two feet (something that didn’t come easily for someone who couldn’t even see them!).

In the end, slacking off today will only make tomorrow’s workout twice as hard. When you’re already struggling to keep up, the thought of ‘twice as hard’ is just too much to bear.

Preparing for the War

I am taking drastic measures to quell this recent bout of endless-eating. I am putting down the granola bars, mixed nuts, and buffalo flavored tortilla chips and looking to some oldies (but goodies!) for a helping hand. Arsenal includes:

Dunkin Donuts’ Iced Latte Lite – Although I am not a fan of artificial sweeteners or OD’ing on caffeine, I will indulge in one of these 120-calorie life-savers when I’m up Calorie Creek without a paddle. Coffee stunts my appetite like no other (..and yet, increases production in other areas — if you know what I mean).

Fab Fatties – Just when I need an extra kick in the pants, The Fabulous Fatties have just announced their third Fab Fattie Challenge! With over 30 participants signed up, this will surely be anything but a cake walk (yum!yum!). There is never a dull moment with these ladies around. Check them out on Twitter or better yet, sign up for the Challenge!

Water - H2o is a huge component of keeping my hunger down. I try to drink at least three 32oz bottles of water during my work day. Doing so has its consequences — eg approximately one trillion trips to the bathroom (past the Wall of Doom to boot!) and severe ADD. Small price to pay for a full belly and an adequately hydrated body!

With 5 o’clock nearing, I think I have today in the bag.