Year of The Rachel

It’s 10:35pm on New Year’s Eve and I just stepped off the elliptical. I dragged it from the spare room into the dining room and planted it directly in front of the TV situated in the living room. It’s obvious that our apartment is still in limbo at the moment, but even limbo has its ups! I busted out a quick 5K (00:26:22 — how is that possible?!) and will be tending to some lunges in a few short minutes in an attempt to keep ‘on schedule’ with my workouts.  Between visiting Cassie post-surgery and watching movies with Finn, I just couldn’t find the time to hit The Planet before it closed early for NYE. I was originally going to pound some pavement, but the sky randomly opened up and dumped a few inches of powder all over my parade. Elliptical it is! Even if that meant taking it for a quick spin at 10pm.

What? It just wouldn’t feel right to skip a workout on the last day of 2009 with the kind of year I’ve had. And boy, has it been a great year.

Highlights include:

- Hitting and exceeding my goal to lose 81 lbs by my 26th birthday on November 3rd
- Jogging my first 5K in June
- Jogging my first 10K in October
- Jogging 7.2 consecutive miles (personal best)
- Taking multiple group exercise classes including aerobics, stretch & tone, Pilates, and Zumba
- Riding the roller coasters at Six Flags New England
- Fitting comfortably in an airplane seat
-  Having the balls to get my hair cut
- Deciding to train for a half marathon
- Lacing up my hockey skates for the first time in ten years (last weekend!)
- Watching my best friend find success in her weight-loss journey
- Stumbling across some amazing blogs full of amazing achievements and endless inspiration
- Reclaiming my confidence
- Caring about myself, my body, and my quality of life
- Losing a total of 96 lbs

Not only have I achieved a lot, but I’ve also learned a few things along the way including:

- Calories in versus calories out is not a myth, it’s a reality
- An ‘all or nothing’ attitude has no place in a weight-loss journey
- Setting small achievable goals will provide the strength and courage to achieve larger goals
- Doing the ‘inside work’ is key when it comes to overcoming emotional eating and creating a foundation for continued success
- Creating a highly individualized and deeply personal plan will lead to sustainable weight-loss
- Pushing oneself beyond one’s comfort zone will spawn physical, mental, and emotional growth
- Practicing moderation means enjoying foodie favorites without the guilt
- Staying present will keep those self-deprecating thoughts at bay
- Keeping things simple will preserve multiple levels of sanity
- Recovery plans are a must
- Giving up is not an option

It’s time to ring in the new year with three of my most beloved friends: Moe, Larry, and Curly.

Also: Dick Clark needs to stop. That shit is just too scary to handle.

Monkeying Around

Woo-hoo! My my ‘off day’ has arrived! As much as I love getting my workout on, I have come to enjoy the ever elusive ‘Day of Rest’ just as much. It’s pretty incredible to know that my body is repairing, rebuilding, and reshaping itself as I type, type, type away on my iPhone. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

New Year’s Eve is just around the corner. To resolute or not to resolute — that is the question.

Holiday Weigh-In

Weekly Weigh-In

Starting weight: 271 lbs
Current weight: 175 lbs
Loss last week: -1.5 lbs
Total Loss: -96 lbs

I think the extra workouts this week helped off-set the increased caloric intake of the Holidays. I’ve eaten an average of 1770 calories per day this week, but still managed to post a loss. I’m sure that average is low since I devoured many yummy things that I did not have accurate calorie-counts for including at least two pounds of lasagna (two different types to boot!), at least seven delicious homemade butterscotch and chocolate chip cookies, four pieces of chocolate and walnut fudge, two small slices of burgundy pie, a slice o’coffee cake, a few pieces of chocolate, a sliver of chocolate pudding stuffed gold cake with chocolate frosting, half a ricotta cheese cannoli, a mini eclair, plenty of scallops wrapped in bacon, plenty of turkey-sausage stuffed mushrooms, mashed potatoes, squash, sausage soup, and a plethora of homemade Chex Mix over the course of Thursday and Friday alone.

It just seemed natural that if I were going to consume all of this delicious energy, I would need to work hard to expend said delicious energy. Lucky for me, I’m a pig for the exercise. OINK OINK. This weight-loss thing is about making good choices and understanding that there will be consequences for making bad choices. I could have eaten all of this wonderful food and sat back while it digested, but I opted for the good choice. Did you make any good choices this holiday season?

Weekly Workout

Monday:
- 5K (35:14)
- Strength training (20 mins)
- 55 mins total

Tuesday:
- 5 mins @ 15 incline, 2.5 mph
- 5 mins @ 10 incline, 3.0 mph
- Repeat x 6
- 60 mins total

Wednesday:
- 3 mins @ 5.3 mph
- 2 mins @ 3.8 mph
- Repeat x 12
- 60 mins total

Thursday:
- 10 mins @ 5.0 mph
- 2.5 mins @ 5.5 mph
- 2.5 mins @ 6.0 mph
- 5 mins @ 3.8 mph
- Repeat x 3
- 15 mins @ 5.0 mph
- 15 mins @ 4.1 mph
- 90 min total

Friday:
-5 mile jog (outdoors)
- 63 mins total

Saturday:
- 5 mile jog (gym)
- 60 mins total

Holly Jollies

Christmas Day Highs
- Set out for a two-mile jog but ended up jogging five through the neighborhood
- Enjoyed an impromptu Christmas dinner with Chris and his family without going too crazy. Since our attendance was a last-minute decision, I wasn’t able to prepare by eating a smart low-calorie breakfast. I ended the day at 1850ish calories which isn’t too bad considering I ate three homemade butterscotch and chocolate chip cookies and a 200-calorie Cliff bar for breakfast.
- Visited with Cassie and her family for a few hours
- Unexpected snow showers

Christmas Day Lows
- Cassie breaking her gallbladder and needing surgery next week!
- My GoWear Fit showed a lower-than-normal total calorie burn even though I jogged 5 miles in sixty-three minutes in below freezing temperatures on slush covered sidewalks in an extremely hilly neighborhood. Could the freezing temps cause the GoWear to register an incorrect number? I keep track of my daily cal burns and know they are just estimates at best, but I’m torn between recording what I’m 99% sure I burned (3,100-ish) or recording the number it gave me. I probably sound like a looney tune, but did you honestly expect anything different?

Off to the gym for another five miles before getting in a day of rest tomorrow. Not sure what the scale is going to have in store for me, but either way, this week has been a total success and a great indication that staying on track doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself!

Yo Ho Ho!

What a great day it has been! The Girl and I have just returned home from an afternoon/evening chalk full of laughs, smiles, amazing food, great gifts, and wonderful company. I honestly cannot remember the last time I’ve actually enjoyed myself this much during the holidays. I normally turn into a bitchy hot mess at the mere thought of a holiday gathering, but here I am; enjoying them in droves.

When you no longer spend all of your mental energy worrying if the chair you’re sitting in is going to buckle beneath you or if everyone is questioning why you’re reaching for seconds or if your feet are going to become frost-bitten en route because you’re wearing Crocs in 13 degree due to not being able to reach and tie your shoes, you tend to spend all of your energy engaging in your surroundings rather than cursing them.

I’m digging it.

Before heading to the gym, I checked to see if Spongebob Squarepants was slated to make an appearance on Nickelodeon at some point. Yes, its true. I often schedule my Planet Fitness workouts around that silly Square’s agenda. It is a guilty pleasure of mine and with the exception of catching a Bruins game on NESN, Spongebob is my absolute favorite thing to watch (closed caption with my music blasting) while riding the belt. I ended up heading to the gym at 10:45a, giving myself enough time to catch one full hour of everyone’s favorite Sponge.

Since pilates is over for the time being, I needed to come up with something to occupy my hour. I decided to mix things up a bit by jogging for 10:00 @ 5.2 mph / 2:30 @ 5.5 mph / 2:30 @ 6 mph + 5:00 of walking x 3. When I hit the sixty minute-mark (4.99 miles), I reset the treadmill and busted out another fifteen minutes of jogging @ 5.2 and fifteen minutes of walking @ 4.1 plus a five-minute cool down. I was rocking that shit.

Dinner itself went swimmingly. Upon arrival, I devoured five turkey sausage stuffed mushrooms, seven scallops wrapped in bacon (half slice per scallop), two Triscuits smothered in a teaspoon of cheese spread, two mini pigs in a blanket, and one piece of chocolate-covered shaved coconut. I recorded everything to the best of my ability and estimated my Hors d’amage at 540 calories.

It was unanimously decided that a break was in order and gifts were to be opened. I received a bunch of loot, but the biggest and best had to be a fancy-schmancy bread-maker and a quilt my mother’s co-worker put together for me using old t-shirts and sport uniforms. It’s gorgeous! I’ll have to take a photo of it at some point.

After opening gifts, we attacked the lasagna.

Mmm.

My mother’s lasagna never disappoints.

I ended up paring my plate of lasagna with a half slice of super soft Italian bread and a half cup of squash. My whole meal came to roughly 478 calories. Add in 599 calories for one homemade butterscotch cookie, two small slices of burgundy pie with crumb topping (OMG), and one cubic inch of homemade chocolate and walnut fudge and you’ve got yourself a total of 1667 calories consumed between the hours of 3:30p and 8:30p.

And I enjoyed every fucking minute of it.

Total estimate: 1,933

Merry Christmas my dear friends! May your day be filled with good choices and much happiness.

1. My dad ripping open a gift while The Girl watches in awe (..or fear?)
2. Modeling my new footie pajamas while pretending to down a bottle of Sangria
3. Mmm. Lasagna.
4. Mom trying to cut through her delicious homemade fudge
5. Burgundy pie (..the other half followed twenty minutes later)

Holiday Fa-la-la-la-fuuuun

Today has been an absolute nightmare on the work front thanks to my Mac Pro being in ‘the shop’. I somehow killed both the graphics card and the Bluetooth card in less than two years. I ended up submitting a support ticket Sunday night after my monitor refused to light up. To my surprise, I received a shockingly speedy phone call from Apple Support. By ‘speedy’ I mean within thirty seconds. Actually, they called so fast I missed the first call and had to resubmit my ticket. I was floored. Sure, Apple products cost a helluva lot more than your standard HP or Dell products, but there is something extremely comforting about good, speedy service. I love that my tower is in Apple’s hands instead of some random Geek Squad dork attempting to remedy my broken shit between playing WoW.

Since I am computer-less for the next few days (thanks Christmas!), I had to bust ass at work to get some time sensitive freelance out the door while somehow managing to get my work-related ‘to do’ list completed. It took some serious concentration and a few lofty prayers, but I did it.

I saved Christmas.

Speaking of the Christmas, tis the season for consumption game plans!

I haven’t been actively thinking about my ‘course of action’ for the next few days, but I cannot tell a lie: I somewhat decided my fate back in November when I opted to adhere to a strict 1,500 calorie goal on everyone’s favorite food infested holiday. My reason behind setting a quasi-low calorie goal on Thanksgiving was simple: enjoy the ins-and-outs of Thanksgiving or enjoy the ins-and-outs of Christmas. Thanksgiving has never packed a symbolic punch for me in the way that it does for so many others. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to spend time in good company tucked neatly below a roof popping off its hinges with the sweet aroma of a twenty-course home cooked meal, but I don’t see the sentiment in gorging yourself on food items that are readily available year-round. Turkey? Mashed potatoes? Squash? Please!

Instead, I wanted to give myself the option to enjoy something I’ve been enjoying in mass quantities since 1983. That something makes an appearance but once a year. That something is my mother’s ridiculously delicious lasagna. Oh, sweet baby Jesus. That woman knows how to craft homemade sauce like none other. Her sauce is the foundation in which this masterful mountain of ambrosia is constructed upon. If the sauce is lacking, you may as well heat up some Marie Calendar and call it a day. Couple my mother’s savory sauce with layers of perfectly cooked noodles followed by layers of sliced homemade meat balls, sliced hot Italian sausage, and a one-two punch of ricotta and mozzarella cheeses and you’ve got a recipe for over-indulgence.

Due to my sister’s work schedule, we will be celebrating Christmas tomorrow rather than on Christmas Day. My plan is to enjoy the aforementioned (and other) Holiday Rarities in a guilt-free manner. I do not want to shit my pants with anxiety with every bite I take. There is nothing enjoyable about that. Instead, I will up my budget to 2,000 glorious calories and base my decisions on both calorie value and level of interest. For example, I’ll most likely pass on the highly accessible and somewhat cliche Italian bread and butter and opt for a larger slice of lasagna, etc.  I will account for the calories I consume to the best of my ability, but my estimations will be just that — estimates. I’m OK with that. By practicing a little honesty, sticking to 2,000ish calories (+/- due to estimating), and using my noodle, I should be able to enjoy the best of both worlds — good food and a sweet calorie deficit!

As far as the gym goes, you better believe I will be hitting the belt tomorrow. Using the holidays as an ‘excuse’ to indulge in your favorite treats is one thing, but using it to miss a handful of workouts makes no sense to me. In fact, if you’ve got some extra time off from work, why not hit the gym instead of sitting on your ass? I’ve been on-schedule thus far and have all intentions of staying on track for the rest of the week (and beyond). I completed my Monday night 5K in 00:35:14 and followed it up with some strength training. I did a few classic upper body exercises using 15 lb free-weights and closed the night out with 60+ lunges. I’m talking fully-extended, knee-to-the-floor-without-traveling fucking lunges. Hurt like hell, but every second I spend beyond my comfort zone means I am reaching new and uncharted territory.

I just love that concept.

I traded my Tuesday ‘rest day’ for an hour of incline walking since my friend Korey had to tackle some last minute shopping. I could barely walk as it was, but figured I could ‘take it easy’ by alternating between 2.5 mph on a 15 incline and 3.0 mph on a 10 incline. I have no idea why I assumed it would be ‘easy’ to walk at such a steep incline. It wasn’t. I was out of breath within the first two minutes and immediately dreaded my decision to spend a full hour partaking in such a ridiculous act. I’m sure it would have been much easier to hold onto the oh shit! bar in front of me, but I figured I’d get a better workout if I went hands-free. I kept on keeping on, but I hated every minute of it. Now that I think of it, I prefer jogging over just about everything I’ve tried thus far (except for the sporadic Zumba and/or pilates class). I genuinely love to jog. I genuinely love the feeling of relying on me, myself, and I. I love trying to better my time and/or increase my mileage regularly. I love pushing the envelope. I love the idea of transforming my body from a 271 lb Flab Factory to a 176 lb (and counting) soon-to-be well-oiled machine. Even though my passion lies withing the jogging realm, it’s a good idea to keep my body on its toes and to try new things.

Walking proved to be a much more painful and arduous task today as compared to yesterday. Still, I completed my sixty minute session of intervals (3 jog @ 5.3 / 2 walk @ 3.8) and loved every second of it. Ah, the life of a masochist is a great one.

Run. Run. Run.

Starting weight: 271 lbs
Current weight: 176.5 lbs
Loss last week: 2 lbs
Total Loss: -94.5 lbs

I considered not weighing myself this week due to the overabundance of goose-eggs lately, but my commitment to the cause out-weighed my rebellion. Or it just might be the fact that I’m still riding the high of completing my longest distance jog to date and could pretty much care less what the scale says at this point. I will continue to lose weight and continue to inch toward that ‘magic number’, but I’m just so extremely stoked about my fitness level and new found mental and emotional freedom from fatness that the scale is losing its charm.

It really is.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad the scale has finally decided to move. A two-pound loss is great and I welcome it with open arms, but I guess I’ve just hit that point in our relationship where I’m interested in seeing other people. Sorry Scale. I’m just not that into you.

The Girl and I spent much of our morning finishing up some last minute Christmas shopping before the ‘winter wallop’ of a storm was slated to infest New England. We made it a point to hit the road early enough to give me plenty of time to bust out my weekly 5-miler without having to worry about white-out conditions and slippery roads. Props to The Girl for taking one for the team! I rolled up to the gym around 3pm and quickly settled into my jog. Let it be known that I love tackling my weekly distance jog at Planet Fitness. The atmosphere simply cannot be beat. Unlike most gyms, 80% of my fellow cardio comrades are overweight and working hard to better themselves and fight the good fight. For those who are maybe a little self conscious about hitting the gym because you’re overweight — don’t be! Your journey is inspirational to those around you.

I was a few minutes into my workout when a gentleman and his two lady friends took up occupancy next to me and subsequently spent the next sixty-minutes exploring every topic known to man. Listening to people bullshit about relationships and the meaning of life between the sick beats pouring from my headphones was interesting to say the least. The girls finished up just as I hit the 4.5 mile mark, but the guy stayed behind. That’s when Vin Diesel turned to me and asked how I was doing.

‘I’m doing pretty good. How’s it going over there?’ I replied.

Our conversation continued…

‘Good, good. I’ve been watching you bust ass over there. You’re doing great!’
‘Thanks!’
‘A couple more month of this and you will be in amazing shape…’
‘Actually, I’ve been at this for a couple of months already.’
‘Oh yeah? Have you seen any results?’
‘Uhh, 93 lbs worth!’
‘Wow! That’s great. You’re are doing fantastic! You know, there will come a time when you start to plateau, but don’t let that affect you. Just keep going.’
‘I’m actually there right now.’
‘Oh yeah? How does that make you feel?’
‘Eh, it’s annoying, but hey.. I can run five miles so is it really a big deal?’
‘Exactly! I do some personal training on the side. I used to do it full time, but I found that it’s much more rewarding if I do it part time. Anyway. You need to switch things up once in a while because your body gets immune to this type of stuff. Do you do any incline training at all?’
‘Eh, not much.’
‘Well, try adding incline training into your workout. Pump the incline to 100% and walk on a 3.0-3.5 for an hour and your body will wonder what the hell you’re trying to do to it!’
‘That sounds intense! I’ll have to give it a try.’
‘Well, you’re doing great so keep up the good work. I don’t say that to just anyone either.’

And then he left.

Did that really happen? Did I really just hold a five minute conversation with someone after jogging 4.8 miles at a steady speed of 5.1 mph without a problem? Did this total stranger just take five minutes out of his day to praise my efforts and to offer me advice? I was in awe.

His kindness inspired me to push myself just a little harder. When I was done my 5 miles, I decided to go for the 10K. Going for the 10K meant restarting the treadmill due to the ridiculous 60 minute cap. Why the ‘mill maxes out at 60 minutes is beyond me. I quickly started a new session and  bumped the speed up to 5.5 mph for the last mile. Once I hit the 6.2 mile mark, I dropped the speed back down to 5.1 mph and decided to try for 7 miles. Once I edged closer to that goal, I decided to end my workout at mile 8. Why 8? Well, jogging 8 consecutive miles just sounds bad-ass. I was feeling great and was confident I’d hit that goal without a problem.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. I threw the towel in at 7.2 miles.

Ooops.

I didn’t stop because I was in pain. I wasn’t. I didn’t stop because I was out of breath. I wasn’t. I stopped because I honestly thought I was going to shit my pants if I stayed on that treadmill any longer. At the 7th mile, I started to suffer from horrible stomach cramps. I normally experience some discomfort around the 4-mile mark, but I have grown accustomed to pushing through it. However, the cramps that plagued my Mission to 8 Miles were just too intense to ignore. I probably could have finished out the remaining .8 miles, but I started to have visions of explosive diarrhea and I just couldn’t do it.

I COULD NOT JUSTIFY SHITTING MY PANTS IN PUBLIC IN AN ATTEMPT TO JOG 8 GLORIOUS MILES.

Sometimes you just need to listen to your body. At that moment, my body was screaming ‘I am going to blow!’ Of course, it never happened, but I couldn’t chance it. No way, no how. I spent the following two hours nursing my abdomen back to health with a few slices of delicious pizza (brilliant, right?). I’m confident that my body will get accustomed to longer distances, but it’s definitely something I will have to work my way up to. And I will. And I will love every minute of it. Especially since I am going to be participating in the Willow Tree Half Marathon on May 2nd in Providence, RI alongside my friend Cassie and virtually alongside Kim over at Watermelon Waistline who will be participating in the Pittsburgh Half Marathon on May 2nd as well.

By typing that, I just made it real.

Unbelievable.

I’ve got to be honest, I’m a little hesitant to participate in this specific race because they strictly prohibit the use of headphones. I literally cannot imagine spending nearly three hours in transit without music. That’s borderline abuse and totally FUBAR. I’m going to get in touch with the fine folks running this event to see how lenient they are with this rule. I think it would be really great to run on the same day as Kim, but honestly, the headphone-thing does not sit well with me at all. I’m pretty sure Cassie will feel the same.

Might have to do the Boston Run to Remember on May 30th instead.

We’ll see.

Yum in my Tum

Figures I’d be the only person at the Yankee Swap to pull a food-related gift! My boss put together a ‘naughty’ and ‘nice’ gift set including a bag of Cheetos and a jar of hot salsa serving as ‘naughty’ and a Tide Pen and hand sanitizer serving as ‘nice’. It made for a greatly creative gift, but overall, it was severely lacking (or maybe I’m just a bitch?).

I was totally set on ordering the chicken and subbing those sour cream mashed potatoes for a plain baked potato or a side salad, but I changed my mind at the last possible minute and decided to split the Beer and Bacon Macaroni and Cheese and Native Sea Scallops with Janice. No reason to go Plain Jane if I have the calories for it, right? Right! I had one cup of mac and cheese which was easily around 415 calories. I added in two slices of thick-sliced bacon to account for the bacon that accompanied my mac and cheese and sat atop my scallops. I doubt the small bits of bacon added up to two full slices, but it’s always a good idea to over-estimate when you dine out. One must expect hidden calories whenever a dining experience is had. I put myself down for two 2″ scallops even though Janice and I split three right down the middle. I also had a small piece of baguette (no butter) which was easily 160 calories. In total, my meal came out to be 730 calories, but it was well worth it. I spent the remainder of my calories on a cup of dry Kix before bed. At 88 cals, it can’t be beat.

Off to the gym in t-minus nine minutes for a healthy dose of cardio…

Yankee Frost

I was reminded on Tuesday just how accurate Winter’s pseudonym really is. For some, it might be a stretch to live up to the name ‘Black Hole of Death’, but Winter doesn’t seem to have much trouble doing just that. It was a frigid 35° when I headed to the gym in shorts and a t-shirt. Although it’s much colder in some parts of the Universe, knowing that didn’t make climbing into an arctic automobile any easier. If it wasn’t for tonight’s work-related Yankee Swap, I could have spent the evening snuggled warmly below a heap of Lindt Dark Chocolate wrappers! Or not.

Sliding across a frozen leather seat at 9pm was the last thing I wanted to do, but I did it anyway. I did it because the benefits far out-weigh the momentary inconvenience of freezing my ass off. I did it because it’s what you do when you’re actively engaged in your life and hold yourself accountable for your actions (and in-actions). I’ve been making the blog rounds lately and it seems like a lot of people are under the impression that there is some sort of ominous party making decisions for them. It breaks my heart and angers me at the same time.

It breaks my heart because I know first-hand how hard it can be to ‘break-through’ the mental and emotional barriers long enough to string together a bunch of good decisions that produce results. This is something I can totally identify with and sympathize with. On the other hand, it angers me because some people seem to be waiting for an inspirational blog or an inspirational quote to rescue them rather than doing the work it takes to step out of their comfort zone and engage in honesty and accountability.

I don’t want to make a sweeping generalization, but I seem to be stumbling upon more and more blogs written by those who are easily ‘inspired in the moment’ but do little to nothing in terms of follow-through. They hunker down for a day of ‘saying no to everything they love to eat’ (except for that one triple cheese burger and large order of nachos) and move their workout to tomorrow (…since ‘there’s always tomorrow!’). I understand that each journey is a deeply personal experience and I have no right to crap on other people’s efforts — I get that. What I don’t get is how someone can blog about ‘wanting to lose weight so fucking bad it hurts’, yet in the same breath do absolutely nothing to facilitate it. I’m not sure if I’ve ever really fallen into this category. I would have those days where I feverishly grasped at straws and ‘made up my mind to change’ (usually after breaking a chair or not being able to fit in the backseat of someone’s car), but I never really tried.  Perhaps deep down I was waiting for my Weight-loss Knight in Shining Armor to come and rescue me, too. I just never went public with it.

Anyhow.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been adding a slight incline to my short interval session (3 min jog / 2 min walk) rather than upping the speed. I was surprised to find that adding just a 1% incline can make such an impact on my workout. Different muscles were a-burning and I was a-huffing and a-puffing more than usual. It was a nice departure that I hope to include in future workouts.

Tonight is my work-related Yankee Swap. We are a relatively small group of designers, front-end developers, and user-experience engineers with a penchant for keeping to ourselves for the better part of our work day. The eleven of us are guilty of being married to our headphones and so unbelievably engrossed in our work that we don’t normally socialize in our open-office environment. Since the company I work for is extremely team-oriented, each group is allotted $20 per person each month to go out and socialize together. Some groups use this money to buy groceries for breakfast potlucks, some partake in a group lunches, but my group normally hits up the bowling alley across the street or goes down to Whiskey’s for $0.20 wings and pitches of Blue Moon. I have yet to purchase a gift for said swap, but I’m not too worried. I work sixteen stories above a mall in Boston’s Back Bay. I shouldn’t have a problem finding a trinket for $10. Then again, I’m not sure how swap-friendly a mall full $200 shoes and $100 tea pots will be.

I am looking forward to braving the -2° weather (literally) for a half-mile before I am awarded with a free meal in the company of people I spend forty hours a week sitting next to yet do not interact with. It will be a welcomed change of pace to an otherwise monotonous work-week. The menu is littered with tantalizing options such as Crisped Point Judith Calamari with tartar sauce, Beer and Bacon Macaroni and Cheese with crisp shallot crust, and Native Sea Scallops with succotash and bacon confit, but I think I’ll stick with the tried and true chicken (Roast Lemon Garlic Chicken with spinach and salad instead of sour cream mashed bliss potatoes). Yum, yum.

Here’s to hoping for another Balloon Animal Kit to match the one I got last year. Legit, best gift ever.

Conflicting Information

I just ate a huge lunch and I’m paying for it with a belly ache. I made two Caprese tacos using flax wraps, fresh buffalo mozzarella, and fresh basil and followed them up with a 100 calorie pack of Cape Cod potato chips. I would normally prepare just one (like I did yesterday), but decided to go for the gold in an attempt to ‘up my calories’ and hopefully nip this Mesa (I really hate the word plateau) in the bud.

I suppose I should be stoked to have an extra 300 calories to blow on delicious food, but I’m not. I feel like I am eating more just to hit this new calorie goal, not because I’m hungry or because my body needs it. At this point, I am not even listening to my body, just trying to eat tons of shit in an attempt to extinguish a Mesa that may or may not exist. Even if it does exist, who the fuck cares? I’m still losing inches!

Honestly, I just find it hard to believe that 1600 calories isn’t ‘enough’ for someone who sits on their ass all day long at a computer with the exception of one hour of intense cardio and a one mile jaunt to the train station. I structure my intake around creating enough of a deficit to lose 2-2.5 lbs per week according to my GoWear Fit/BMR.

The truth of the matter is simple: I don’t know what is going on with the scale because losing weight isn’t a strict science (Thanks, Mary!) and I was OK with it until I started over-thinking and over-analyzing. Calorie cycle this. Protein that. At the end of the day, I refuse to believe that weight-loss comes down to upping my protein intake with chemical mixes or spinning plates while riding a unicycle.

In addition to losing weight and repairing my relationship with food, one of my goals was to become more in tune with my body. While upping my calories won’t hurt me, I definitely don’t feel like it’s what I need to do right now considering the fact that I am sitting at my computer feeling nauseous because I just scarfed down an ass-load of food against my better judgment.

Let’s not even get into the fact that I straight-up ate a can of tuna and a microwaved 97% fat-free Hebrew National hot dog with ketchup after dinner last night just to ‘hit’ my 1800 calorie goal. Vomit.