January 28, 2010

Clean Socks

Posted in My Weight-Loss Journey by Rachel

I had a dream last night that I was at some multipurpose Panera Bread/Laundomat deal with The Girl. She was doing laundry and I was ordering something to snack on — a vanilla soft serve cone with Oreo topping for her (even though she hates Oreos) and something for myself. I can’t recall what I attempted to order, but whatever it was, they didn’t have any left. I opted for nothing, but changed my mind at the last second and decided to get a soft serve vanilla cone as well (sans Oreos).

The lady hands me a Root Beer float.

‘Excuse me. I ordered a vanilla soft serve cone, not a Root Beer float…’

‘Oh.’

Even though she was visibly annoyed, she went back to the drawing board, made me a cone, and set it on the counter while I dug through my coat looking for some spare change. When I looked up, the cone was gone.

‘Where is my cone?!’

‘That guy over there took it…’

‘Okay, well, I’d still like my cone.’

‘Sorry, I can’t do that.’

‘What? I ordered and paid for a cone. I want my cone.’

‘I’m sorry miss, but it’s out of my hands. That gentleman over there took it and there is nothing I can do.’

‘I WANT MY GOD DAMN VANILLA SOFT SERVE ICE CREAM CONE AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!’

All of the sudden, I became consumed with rage. Seriously. I was tipping the scales toward homicidal over some ice cream cone I ordered at the last possible minute and that I didn’t even really want.

‘LISTEN. I WANT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM CONE. I DON’T CARE IF I PAID TEN CENTS OR TEN DOLLARS FOR IT. I PAID FOR IT. YOU OWE ME IT. NOW HAND IT OVER!!!!’

As I screamed on for what seemed like an eternity over the loss of my cone, I thought to myself, ‘Thank God I’m not huge anymore. Otherwise, I would look like some crazy lunatic looking for my fatty fix when really… it’s the principle!’

After ten minutes of delivering verbal abuse to the masses, The Girl and I ran outside and made it to our car just as people began pouring out of the building with tubs of ice cream in tow. Next thing I knew, our car was being assaulted with chunks of the creamy stuff.

This infuriated me.

‘They couldn’t bare to spare an extra glob of soft serve, but it’s perfectly sensible for them to chuck chunks of ice cream across the parking lot at us? WHAT THE EFFING EFF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!’

As The Girl peeled away from the scene, I sunk into the passenger seat and started to regain my composure. We drove into the sunset for a few minutes before pulling up to our final destination: THE SAME DAMN PANERA/LAUNDROMAT!

‘Um, why did you bring us here?’ I asked The Girl.

‘Because I need clean socks!’

Really?

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29709 CommentsClean+Socks2010-01-28+13%3A42%3A20Rachel to “Clean Socks”

January 28, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Monica says:

Add a murderer or an affair and pitch your dream to Lifetime Movie Networks. Youll be rich come this time next year.

Reply
January 28, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Ryan Sullivan says:

The randomness of this post will likely not be matched. Well done. Well done.

Reply
January 28, 2010 at 8:46 pm
erin says:

dreams are craaazy man. but i kind of love this. lol

Reply
January 29, 2010 at 4:17 am
Amberly says:

That is so hilarious… I'm not sure if you had the chance to look at my blog at all… but you inspired me. I like your approach to weight loss. I went thru and started reading when you began and how you configured your calories and it makes so much sense. What has been the hardest thing for you to overcome?
Thanks for your blog! I really enjoy reading about your adventures.
~Amberly

Reply
- January 29, 2010 at 1:29 pm
  Rachel says:
  
  Hey! Thanks for the award. I will hopefully include it in an upcoming post. I'm pretty bad with those things. Also, thanks for stopping by my blog and reading. I think the hardest thing for me to overcome was the self-abuse I inflicted upon myself for all of the mistakes and bad choices I made that got me to 271 lbs. Even though I hated myself and what I had done to myself (and all of the misery and pain I caused), I knew I had to forgive myself and love myself in order to lose the weight. After all, if you do not care about yourself then you're not going to make yourself a priority and you're not going to make good choices. You're just not going to. I think above all, that was the hardest thing to overcome.
  
  I'm going to add your blog to my Google Reader so I can follow your journey!
  
  Reply
January 29, 2010 at 4:31 am
Sean says:

Um – wow. Fat free no sugar ice cream is only 70 calories per half cup. I measure out a cup each night as a treat. Admittedly I am not very creative and interpret dreams very literally. Get yourself a damn ice cream cone.

Reply
January 29, 2010 at 5:00 am
RAH says:

Ahhhh, that was an entertaining dream! Just letting you know I gave you a Happy Award on my blog today. Not sure if you're into them or not, but your blog makes me laugh (in a good way) so the award was passed on to you. =)

Reply
January 29, 2010 at 6:27 am
AndrewENZ says:

You are disturbed!

Reply
January 30, 2010 at 2:29 am
Kimberly says:

Most of this sounded very believable. I'd like to think it actually happened.

In fact? There. Yes – as far as I'm concerned, it *did* happen. Well done.

Reply